#bartenderproblems

Hi friends. Hope you're having a fabulous Sunday. I, for one, am recovering from a super busy, late-night shift in my University Student Union's club, where I work behind the bar.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job - I work with such a great group of people, have really flexible hours, and blimmin' good pay - it's the perfect student job really!

Just your classic staff Christmas social pile-on.

But of course, as a bartender/barmaid (are barmaids still a thing?), you encounter many a problem (hence the hashtag). Mainly with the absolute ineptitude of certain customers. 

Obviously the majority of you fine public cause no such problems, and can be positively lovely in fact! But they aren't the ones that stick with you. The ones that haunt your dreams for the rest of your miserable life. Too far? Too far. 

Anyway, here are a few things I've noticed recently:

1. Please don't wave your money at me.

When people try and summon me with their £5 note, thinking I'll be drawn to them - "OMG that guy's got money, I bet none of these other paying customers do, I must serve him first!" Just no. Please stop it. If anything, it will make me ignore you tbh.

2. Make your mind up.

So this is how it played out:

Customer: "3 VKs please."

Me: "Sure, what flavours?"

Customer: "I don't mind, you choose."

*takes the tops off and adds straws to 3 VKs - one green, one red, one orange*

*hands them to customer*

Me: "That's £5 please."

Customer: "Oh, I wanted a blue one."

*shoots self*

3. Checked your manners in with your coat, did ya?

"Two jungbombs please" is so much nicer than "Two jungbombs", you know? It's like hello I'M A PERSON TOO. I HAVE FEELINGS. Thank you. (See, mannerrrrrs).

4. Remember, I'm sober.

No, I would not like a drink.

No, I would not like your number.

No, I do not have a boyfriend.

Drunk boys. They're just like a whole other type of person, aren't they? 

They don't get it. I am obviously going to make eye contact with you if I am asking what you want to drink. This is not some sort of sign. I hate to break it to you but I'll be doing exactly the same to 100 other boys tonight. #sorrynotsorry

Sweeping generalisation here of course, but however charming you think you are when drunk, to a completely sober girl who is trying to do her job, you're just annoying. Take your drinks, and dance the night away, my friend. The Lemmy dancefloor awaits.

5. Remember, I'm sober (part 2).

Bbz. You're not fooling anyone. I know how many drinks you ordered. I know how many drinks I gave you. I know how much money you gave me. I know how much change I gave back. Drunk people are such bad liars. "But, but, I gave you a £20!" *sniggers to friends*. REAL CONVINCING GUYS.

Such a fine establishment

On the plus side, it all makes for great stories (*cough and blog posts cough*), and while you drunkards are wasting away your money buying individual VKs (seriously guys, they're 3 for £5!), I am raking in the dollar (like a true g).

Holly x

PS Shoutout to my Ramilyyy <3